The Upsell

This is some bullshit right here.  All of these ‘reasons’ just sound like an excuse for people to not tip because they don’t feel like it.  I don’t tip when I get crappy service, period.  Not because of some nit-picking matrix of unrealistic expectations.  Sometimes I want to be left alone when I eat my lunch and don’t want little miss cheery piping up.  For that, I will give a tip.

Where did you do your 12-year stint in the service industry? The Olive Garden? Fuck working at a place like that. I worked in high-end food service for YEARS. I hated every second of it. Licking peoples’ asses (and getting my ass slapped by uppity new-money businessmen) for minimum wage plus ten percent (if that) on a five-hundred dollar bill? No thank you. Clearly the places that you worked at were large chain-type restaurants. The higher-end you get restaurant-wise, the more subtle the service should be. No one wants to go out for a four hundred dollar meal and have someone hopping around the table every two seconds saying, “Hi! I’m Melissa! I’ll be your server tonight!!!! I love working here! Would you like a top-up? YAY!!!”. Now I work at a shabby bar where I– a.) am a union member, and therefore have health benefits, etc., b.) make more money than I EVER did serving food whilst entertaining other peoples’ slimy, whining offspring, and c.) tell people to suck if they act like jerks (THAT feels good, let me tell you).

As a service industry worker, I ONLY don’t tip when someone is pointedly rude to me. You, original poster, sound like you resembled one of the servers from Chotchkie’s (a la Office Space… you know– “I’m wearing more pieces of flare than you”–). I hate servers like that. They are irritating and definitely, DEFINITELY trying too hard at what they do– Which just comes off looking pathetic, and ruins my meal. How exactly is someone going to “add to the experience” at Denny’s? Maybe I am eating at Denny’s because I don’t want to be “engaged”…

You also sound like a cheap bastard (of the highest degree– you used to DO THIS JOB), and you are encouraging other cheap bastards to join you in this. Perhaps you are also a part of the problem.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions and speculating Holly. And truthfully, it doesn’t matter where you work (sounds like even working at a high-end restaurant isn’t any better than a lower one), waiters don’t deserve tips for showing up. They deserve it by adding and facilitating the experience. From fine dining to Denny’s, a great server will read the table and engage as necessary. Sorry if you thought I’m looking for a server that’s all over me while I eat, wanting to talk. I wasn’t that server and I sure as hell don’t want them to serve me.
FYI – Nope, I worked at medium to higher end restaurants. And in that time, I worked and earned decent tips but I never expected them.
Thanks for your comment though.
“Ass slapped by uppity new-money businessmen” could definitely be another post.

Thanks for the comment John. It’s true, the actions of a server should directly connect to the size of their tip. It’s about understanding your table and doing what they want/need.

I used to work for a family restaurant, somewhat like denny’s, and we would do back flips for our tables for next to nothing. We would sing tidiculous birthday songs, bring free sundays, you name it and be lucky to gey 8%. It was always so disappointing. The worst was that we had to tip out around 4% off our gross sales for the night. We would get a 100 dollar bill, get tipped 5-8 bucks and then have to give 4 in tip out. There were actually times when coming to work cost us money if tips were brutal or the church crowd let out and swarmed us. I had one lady once give me two dollars for her tables 85 dollar bill, she said ” i know u have to give part of your tips away each night, so just slip this in your apron and keep it all to yourself. ” she then proceeded to wink at me, i almost died, thats not how tip out works lady. We tip out based on our sales, not how much you give us. So if you dont tip because you cant afgord it, dont eat out, cuz now i am paying out of my pocket for you yo eat and i certainly dont work here because i am wealthy.

Rudeness all around for making a suggestion on how to tip. For decades, many cultures who visit Canada don’t tip; – it’s there custom of which we must respect. Only when they ask, should we oblige with a recommendation of discretionary gratuities.
While service people are dependant on gratuities, a tip is a priviliege based on outstanding service. I have never been a fan of mandatory gratuities unless pre arranged. Recently I had a dinner at a small boutique style hotel bar and restaurant that has been redone and currently undergoing more renovation. I was very disturbed to have a mandatory gratuity added to our 4 separate cheques for 2 without notice. Service is unique and perceptive to each person’s expectations and the level of gratuity should always be based on your service experiences.

Don’t hold back, Robert. 

Because we are all mind-readers, especially when we are very busy. ‘Visible hustle’ (haha) and being ‘present’ irritates many customers, and sometimes they use it as a reason NOT to tip.

‘Kay you guys– Keep on not tipping and keep on getting shitty service! Cheers!

I expected a tip from every table I ever served, of course. But I also worked for it rather than just assuming if I show up I should get one. Often times, I’d remove the auto-grat from parties and end up getting tipped better than the 15% I was guaranteed.
If I come off as a jerk, I apologize. I’m just tired of the feeling of entitlement from servers when all they did was pick up my food, drop off my food, clear plate, repeat…and that happens in every level of restaurant.
Servers work in the industry for the opportunity to make decent money…but your success should be in your hands of the server. Good tips = good server. Crappy tips = well, you know.

There are a lot of great servers out there. Most are. Sounds like you might be one of them. And I usually do get great service and I tip more than customary because of those experiences. But from those same experiences, I know when a server is just “showing up.”

Thanks for this discussion. This is a really emotional topic for a lot of people.

to be honest with you it sounds like you want someone to give you a reach around while asking your child what colour selection of crayons it wanted, with a huge, I just got fucked and liked it smile. 

Here an acronym for you guys. 
To
Insure
Proper
Service

Simply not true.  I tend to tip well but if there is an auto-grat, I won’t go to the establishment.  Tipping is up to the person giving, not receiving.  It’s a custom that should be done with.  From what I am reading in this comment section, many servers seem to have an entitlement attitude.  Sad. 

“Did you try to connect to me on a human-level rather than just an exchange of goods and services? If the answer is no…no tip for you.”If you don’t tip the first time, that’s your own cheap deal.
If you continue to not tip, don’t bitch when you get bad service/cold food/snotty servers. Sorry, cheap guy, that’s the way it is. Also, it NEVER impresses girls when you take them out and then don’t tip. (Which I am sure that you have done and/or are presently doing.). Ugh, I would NEVER be able to date a cheap man.

Your choice to be a waitress… enough said.. don’t cry about the wage that you make when that is your choice of career. It’s like a car salesman complaining they work on commission.

What a loser conversation, I have been cooking for 20+ years and waiters are absolutely undeserving of 20% plus gratuities. Plate carriers by trade are unskilled laborers.  I don’t tip the gardener who maintains my lawn, or the post office cashier, or the grocery bagger at the market or the guy that replaces my tires at COSTCO. Plate carrying is a job that can be mastered by a mentally disadvantaged person in less than a day.

It is not my responsibility to pay the salary of a restaurant’s employee. If I pay $38 for a 5oz seabass or $42 for a steak, it is incumbent upon the owner or the establishment to provide for the staff. There is such an unfair disparity between the salary of the cooks/chefs…a position which requires both skill and hard work. A waiter that shows up to work at 6pm and “works” for a few hours should not “earn” 4 times the salary of the skilled cook and 6 to 8 times the salary of a harder working steward that has been slaving away for twice the amount of time.

I have no respect for entitlement minded waiters and do not see why they deserve to be paid a lawyer or drug dealer’s salary for conveying the product and the effort of skilled workers to a customer. No one goes to a restaurant because they are love the service over the love of the food or the need to simply be fed.

My rule for tipping plate carriers is to halve the tax, and round down for adequate, non-exceptional service. Double the tax for reasonable to good service and by all means tip more if the service is remarkable or you meet an exceptionally skilled and non-invasive plate carrier or plate carrying brigade.